NEW REFLECTIONS....

This was fun....just playing with unlikely stuff while I was thinking about being FREER..... "free" photos from "The Pioneer Woman's " Blog...................................................................................................................................................... I recently (this week!!) read "The Pioneer Woman's" blog about her story of meeting her "Marlboro Man"....from "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels" as she calls it.....and to my surprise I was "totally" captured in the whirlwind of her life changing events for the few months leading up to her new life on the prairie!! I NEVER read novels or romance stories.....I usually just read the "scriptures" which are as well full of adventure and real life events that change your life.....but why was I sooo captivated by her story of those months and how she met her Marlboro Man? I even talked to my Hubby about it.....it moved something in me that has been laying deeply covered by life lately....especially the last five years or fifteen years!!..... or more...twenty five!?!! I have continued to push myself to be busy with all the "talents" the Lord has graciously given me.... art, sewing, decorating , keeping the gallery open, taking new classes, learning new and wonderful art, stressing over the B&B days coming up and scheduling sweet people....sort of a dread because I feel like I'm constantly, mentally on a fast and busy expressway, having to keep my eye out to not miss the correct exits, so I don't lose momentum with being sure all is planned and organized and accomplished, and painted and framed and finished......and so I don't waste time to be able to get it all accomplished....never really relaxing....being lazy in a semi-depression...yes....but never really relaxing.....kind of how "Ree" started to realize she felt about her life in L.A.....in the "Pioneer Woman's" romance story.....she was young and falling madly in love with THE man of her life and a life she never dreamed she would be experiencing....ever in her life or in her wildest imagination..... and she became excited that she was actually being FREED from who she THOUGHT she was and freed from continuing to live out who she THOUGHT she was....!! ...maybe living a roller coaster ride that she didn't know how to get off of!! ....an OKAY roller coaster....but a fast moving one that had a tight seat belt that would be hard to unbuckle from the momentum and jump from! WELL.....the strangest thing has come over me this week after being glued to reading and absorbing her adventure of a new life .... and also of some recent events that have affected my life in a sad way.... sad for some (close to me, that I love) who have chosen to throw away their life....by not knowing when to unbuckle and jump out of that roller coaster....that seemingly exciting roller coaster ride..... It has all really had me reflecting this week.....as I shared with Dick..... I want "off" this roller coaster I am on and have been on for years......I want to sit and read a book and not feel pressured for time .....I want to sit on an expanse of a porch and look at the sunset....and watch birds for a "long" time.....I want to just take off on an adventure when I feel like it....in the dirty car with him, with the kids in our life....not having to worry about schedules, commitments, work, money or any pressing obligations.....that are mostly un nessessary. I want to visit West Texas where I grew up, I would visit Spain where I cherished my life as a 9 to 12 yr old child, but it's just too far and too many crowds and pressure of travel, plans etc......I just want to strike out in my sweats or whatever I grab to wear.... throw them in a paper bag and go.....just start driving, stop in an old motel,(do they have those anymore?) .. buy a Delaware Punch and peanuts and not be in a hurry to go anywhere in particular....but just to see the wide expanses of plains, maybe wheat, cows, lots of cows, smell dirt and cow manure....just like "Ree" does now..... on her prairie.....I grew up going to a farm, helping to feed cattle, haul hay, gather eggs, eat homemade wild plum jelly on hot fresh biscuits and maybe gravy and homemade ice cream and fresh fried catfish from the Sandy Creek .... which was usually dried up .... but they always brought fish to Grandma's to fry up....so there had to be water somewhere in that little river. It's funny....I haven't missed "ANY" of that for years!!!...... until I read The Pioneer Woman's blog.....and I thought how wise she was to follow her heart ......and I don't feel like I'm following MY heart anymore anymore .... I feel like other things, ....obligations are "driving" my heart and it is soo used to doing those things that it doesn't even recognize the tiredness of it all .....of riding on that roller coaster for so long....which has been great, but I'm telling you....it is time to jump off.... and just walk a little while. I'm not sure what all this means..... but I am actually TIRED of ART ... at least producing art to sell .... I've been doing it since 1983 and it has been an incredible gift ....to me....to others....but something needs to change.....I feel like it is all finally burying me....smothering me....and I need air!....MY AIR....not any other air. CRAZY?.....maybe it is my age ....? I'm way through with menopause and THAT has been life giving in itself! I want to GO somewhere.....where there is not very many people or pressure....I want to just be.....JUST BE....the child I am....and that belongs to an awesome and loving and understanding GOD.....I want to be FREER in HIM than ever before in my life and I want all things that are incumbrances to being freer in Jesus to be pushed aside....away! ....if they are supposed to be.....and HE definitely knows if they are in the way....I just hope "I" will recognize and KNOW too. Here is a piece of photoshop art I worked on tonight during all my thinking.....for NO ONE ...just enjoying the process and creative playing....it is me in my simple plain Vogue tailored wedding dress of 1966 that my Mother made....but with a new creation of zinnia (from my yard) petaled Spanish looking "flowing and frilly" dress that adorns my old bodice and adorns my head....with a crown.....because "I am" His beloved child....(by His grace)...... I am stubborn, lazy, fatter, mixed up, strong willed, tired but very happy to be HIS child...."thankful" that no matter what....I AM HIS CHILD through His Mercy and Grace ...and always will be......eternally. THAT is something I CAN rest in.....and I think He is giggling about it! I wonder what tomorrow will bring.....? Hugs to you all.....and thanks for listening....and pray big for those around and near your heart that are hurting in some serious way....do it right now.